A little taste of Santiago...

So far it has been a rare occurance to even get a view this good of the Andes. But when you do see it is farking impressive to say the least.

Usually they appear more like this. The smog here is *disgusting as*. You can taste it in your mouth (and see it in your hanky), but doesn't seem to bother too many other people and I'm already getting used to it.

San Cristobal is a small hilly-mountain in the middle of the city that has a cable car thingo or a 6 km walk up (we took the cable car thingo). If I didn't hear it I wouldn't have believed it, but Santiago actually HAS THEIR ZOO on the hill (called Zoologico Nacional) with all the standard animals.

This chick sits on the top of San Cristobal, I think her name is Moira?


One good thing about the brown-smoggy-dirt-mist that covers the whole city is pretty consistently good sunsets. I barely had to Photoshop this one at all.


These are two of the most dangerous Kiwis I have ever met, Alex and Butplug. Then there is the lovely (and surprisingly tolerant) Amanda from the US. If I ever see Alex and Butplug and their Kiwi Entourage before they kill themselves somewhere in South America I will be most grateful.

This one is for you Delia, just so you know I'll safe over here. I don't what is weirder, that this massive water gun tank armada is parked quietly on the street or that a grown man is riding past it on a girl's bike.

This is the Palacio de la Moneda in the city that houses the presidential offices n'stuff. There are more police here that people and more dogs that police. At anyone time I wouldn't surprised if there were 15 or 20 dogs in this spot. Some are guard dogs but as to the rest, and likewise with the rest of Santiago, fark knows where they come from. The reason the grass dies before the flower bed—dog piss.







This little fella rests in the Museum of Pre-Columbian Art. Apparently 7,000 years ago (well before the Egyptians) some fishing village invented a type of mummification that was used on people from all walks of life, that removed soft tissue parts and replaced them with sticks, branches and mud. Call me a pessimist, but that fact that it was in a pathetic and unregulated glass box in the corner, was as big as a loaf of bread, and looked like a piece of shit someone put together in the dark, I have my doubts.

Universidad de Chile vs Audax Italiano

A friendly GI Joe on a horse was standing by ready to assist with any queries punters might have. Santiago has three levels of police and these suckers, the Carabineros, are by far the toughest with their full body armour and deadpan faces.

After seeing these mental fans for 10 seconds I understood. Half of them don't even watch the game, they just jump on the spot singing along to the drum beats. There is almost no difference in volume from start to finish (including home goals!)





Universidad de Chile beat the severely undersupported Audax Italian0 3-2. Apparently this was a very tame game because Audax is so small a team. And when two of the bigger teams and the stadium is packed the fans will not only fight the the opposition fans but take on the hundreds of GI Joe's (horseback and non-horseback). The Chileano that took us said he never takes friends to those games, but we'll see what we can do. Even the umpires get escorted from the pitch by a dozen Carabineros, and not even Hammer from Gladiators could make his way to the pitch without being instantly minced.

Star Trek Review by ¡MAN ABROAD!

Having the choice of over 45 movies with the mighty LAN Airlines, I settled on Star Trek (the new one). Hadn't seen it through nothing but laziness. A Trekker from way back (I was a member of the Official Australian Star Trek Fan Club until it folded in the late 90's and gave an informative talk in Mr Maddigan's year 9 English class) I expected much from the film. And, I have to say, much is what I received. The 'new' Kirk had the arrogance and sexist attitude I had come to know and love. Eric Bana, although physically discrete, had massive (and violent) Romulan balls. Action was sound, although typically American in it's 'let's shake the crap out of the camera and it will make them look like they are fighting because they actually can't'. The happy ending is part of the Star Trek trademark so I'll except that.

Maybe it was the tiredness or the nerves of traveling alone but I may have shed a few man tears at the start of the movie when Kirk's father selflessly sacrificed himself in a time paradox event that saved his wife and child, James Tiberius. The only thing that shat me in the movie was why the fuck did Uhura have the hots for Spock and make out with his lifeless face all the time? Didn't add anything to the movie at all except a few teeth clenching moments. So, over all I was very impressed, although I still believe that the Star Trek chain should have had the same rules as that fat, bearded wingnut George Lucas did with the plagiarised Star Wars chain and make all movies and novels obey a strict timeline. And yes you dickface nerds I do realise that time travel events do alter the time space continuum meaning multiple events can override themselves so go suck a Wizards dick. I give it a 7.5/10.

Qantas vs Lan Airlines

Anyone considering traveling anywhere where another airline besides Qantas operates — fucking do it (I flew them from Melbourne to Auckland). Don't get me wrong, I'm a patriot like every Australian BUT when the only inflight entertainment for the whole trip is Wolverine played on a 32cm screen suspended from the isle ceiling, you can forget about it. Not to mention the crusty flight attendants wearing what looks like curtains from the 70's.

My next flight from Auckland to Santiago was with the unknown LAN Airlines. Who are they? They must be dodgy if they are South American. I've seen the movie Alive, I know to sit in the middle of the plane because the back end snaps off and the front end hits the ground first. And eating people doesn't scare me either BUT I will not live 6 months in the snow wearing only a black-hooded leather jacket and jeans from Nudies (which don't need to be washed). Oh but was I wrong: sexy bilingual hostesses, complimentary earplugs, pillow, rug and eyepatch, tolerable ravioli and licorice-arseless ham and cheese focaccia, twice as much leg room and a television with a boat load of movies and TV shows. I was, however disappointed with the lame selection of games after recently leaving the 10 Palmer Street X-Box Mega Centre. Why no first person shooters? Lift your game Qantas, lift your game.

The Offical First Post of ¡MAN ABROAD!

When Melbourne's favourite son goes abroad, what becomes of those lesser creatures left behind? Fear not! You can live vicariously through-the-man-through-the-blog. Commonly thought of as a bloggers blog, it contains everything the average punter could hope for — lies, bullshit and some photos. So sit back dear fans and let the shivers run down your spine as an illustrated literary web is spun in front of your eyes.

The main reason for the website and you being allowed to view it is for mass proliferation. The ultimate aim is for you to pass this on to EVERY human you know that has the ability to read/use a computer. When numbers hit the millions (or thereabouts), I will sell as much advertising space as can fit on the screen and use the cash to subsidise my trip and buy a house with a guitar-shaped swimming pool upon my return to Australia.