Star Trek Review by ¡MAN ABROAD!

Having the choice of over 45 movies with the mighty LAN Airlines, I settled on Star Trek (the new one). Hadn't seen it through nothing but laziness. A Trekker from way back (I was a member of the Official Australian Star Trek Fan Club until it folded in the late 90's and gave an informative talk in Mr Maddigan's year 9 English class) I expected much from the film. And, I have to say, much is what I received. The 'new' Kirk had the arrogance and sexist attitude I had come to know and love. Eric Bana, although physically discrete, had massive (and violent) Romulan balls. Action was sound, although typically American in it's 'let's shake the crap out of the camera and it will make them look like they are fighting because they actually can't'. The happy ending is part of the Star Trek trademark so I'll except that.

Maybe it was the tiredness or the nerves of traveling alone but I may have shed a few man tears at the start of the movie when Kirk's father selflessly sacrificed himself in a time paradox event that saved his wife and child, James Tiberius. The only thing that shat me in the movie was why the fuck did Uhura have the hots for Spock and make out with his lifeless face all the time? Didn't add anything to the movie at all except a few teeth clenching moments. So, over all I was very impressed, although I still believe that the Star Trek chain should have had the same rules as that fat, bearded wingnut George Lucas did with the plagiarised Star Wars chain and make all movies and novels obey a strict timeline. And yes you dickface nerds I do realise that time travel events do alter the time space continuum meaning multiple events can override themselves so go suck a Wizards dick. I give it a 7.5/10.